


Merry Christmas, Dickbag

by AfterTheTempest (orphan_account)



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-20
Updated: 2014-09-20
Packaged: 2018-02-18 02:22:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2331677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/AfterTheTempest





	Merry Christmas, Dickbag

Leonard grumbled as he drowsily stumbled into his shared apartment, pushing his glasses up on his face to rub angrily at his eyes. When he lowered his hands his eyes narrowed angrily the name was already falling off his lips, voice tense with frustration.

“Dexter?” The name was growled out. There were rules in this household, or rather unspoken agreements.

“What?” Dexter slowly sat up on the couch, a bag of chips dangled from his hand.

“You promised you wouldn’t do this.”

“Well it was looking bland, it’s not like you decorate.”

“I hate you.” Leonard heaved a heavy sigh, kicking off his shoes before he stomped into the living room, pulling the bag of chips from Dex’s hand and putting them on the coffee table. “I can’t believe the little effort you give was put towards-“

“Oh, I didn’t do it. I told Franklin to do it.” A smug grin spread over his face as he looked up at Leonard. The whole apartment was covered with decorations. Christmas decorations. Now, normally this wouldn’t be a huge deal. However, Leonard was Jewish. And Dexter never decorated. He knew this was a jab at him. However, that didn’t stop him from giving the reaction Dexter wanted.

“You fucking greasy pig. I hate you.” Leonard curled his lip and walked over to the tree, pulling a candy cane off one of the branches and tossing in the direction of his boyfriend. He missed by a mile.

“You sure those glasses work? They seem to do fuck all for you sight. Can’t hit me from a few feet away.” Dex’s remark was met with a raised middle finger, causing him to sputter into loud laughter. Leonard trained his gaze on the floor, cheeks puffed out slightly in an annoyed pout, a light blush spread over his cheeks. “Aw, adorable.”

That time Dexter felt a candy cane clip his shoulder before cracking against the wall behind him. He puffed air out of his nostrils, annoyed. Dexter smirked, a snicker slipping out before he cut himself off as he saw Leonard start to pull ornaments off of the tree and throwing them all at Dexter. The closest they got was maybe around four inches.

“You’re lucky those are the cheap, plastic ones and not antique, hand-me-downs or something like that.” Dexter sat, unfazed as Leonard knocked ornaments off the tree, red faced with annoyance. He did get easily annoyed.

“We agreed not to decorate for holidays!” Leonard was more pissed off at the fact the whole apartment was clogged and there were bright lights. Well, he wouldn’t admit it but the fairy lights were actually a nice touch. They did have their little agreement though.

“Come on, really, it’s not a big deal. Hey, can you hand me the remote?”

“I cannot fucking believe you.” Leonard gave a sort of lopsided frown before crossing the living room and stepping out onto the mostly bare balcony. He tended to throw fits on occasion, after all he had to be in charge. What he says goes. Well, Dexter loved to challenge authority and orders. But mostly he was just lazy as hell and loved to bug his boyfriend. Too bad Leonard didn’t love to be bugged.

Letting out a groan, Dex got to his feet and lumbered to the balcony. It was already getting late and he was getting drowsy, but he wasn’t going to let Leonard freeze out there. Even if he wore shitty sweaters. Like seriously, they were tacky but they weren’t the ironic, Christmas tacky. Either way he slid the door open and stepped outside, shivering in the cool December air. He only wore boxers and a shirt, well and socks. Wordlessly he stood behind Leonard, grabbing the box of cigarettes where he left them, right on the short, dirty, glass table in the balcony’s back corner. He took one and then grabbed Leonard’s lighter from his back pocket. He lit the cigarette and stood beside his boyfriend, taking a drag.

“Take a joke.”

“Fuck you.”

“Go ahead.”

“Maybe I will.”

Dexter rolled his eyes, taking another long drag off his cigarette. Neither spoke because they both knew their relationship could crumble in seconds. So they stayed silent so they could stay together because change would be a blow that hit them too heavy. They clung desperately to consistency. Sometimes Leonard slept on the couch. Dexter didn’t know who Allison was. But it had been years.

They managed.

But Dexter wasn’t sure Leonard was even his boyfriend. They were that shitty high school romance. The two that hated each other but had a kid and got married young. Except they weren’t. They barely were even dated. Kisses were few and far between.

The word love was used well, almost never. Actually, Dexter was pretty sure he’d never uttered it. They were far from healthy but sometimes they shared a cigarette. Or maybe Leonard’s arm would brush Dex’s and that was enough to hold them together for another night.

Dexter breathed smoke into his lungs and he realized that he did not know why he was there. Freezing his ass off on a balcony with a dickhead in a dorky sweater.

He was pretty damn sure it wasn’t love though.


End file.
